“On most days during the summer, your normal rate is reduced. That’s kind of a long stretch of “summer,” but word has it that those are peak use months and you’re willing to cut me a deal if I use less electricity during that time period. Remember those words “program season.” They will come up again. “With the Summer Pricing Plan, you’ll pay less for electricity because your normal rate is reduced on most days during the program season.” “If you’re already trying to use less energy to save money, you’re off to a great start,” it adds condescendingly.
Wow, I must say I like the “voluntary” part about paying my PG&E bill. “You can save money on your electric bills this summer by joining the Pacific Gas and Electric Company (PG&E) SmartRate Summer Pricing Plan, a voluntary plan enabled by SmartMeter technology.” (Yes, SmartMeter is trademarked, too). “Dear Robert,” it begins as if it’s a letter from my mother, the only person on the planet ever allowed to call me by that name. “Join the PG&E SmartRate Summer Pricing Plan and get $25.” This plan is so smart that even “SmartRate” is trademarked so some smarty-pants kid can’t sell lemonade on the corner for a quarter and call it a “smart rate.” “Limited-time offer,” said the headline at the top of the letter. No gold, as it turns out, but certainly a golden offer. Given that 25 bucks is not exactly chump change on my side of the tracks, I tore the envelope open as if there were pure gold inside. “Summer electric bill savings,” said the bright blue words on the outside of the envelope.
Apparently realizing that our giant shade-bearing backyard mulberry tree came crashing down in the most recent explosion of north wind, the kind folks at PG&E sent me an offer I couldn’t refuse.
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